Hey Guys! I want to share something with you. I don't know about you all (LifeHouse Leaders) but I have been struggling with my time in the prayer room. Then when I heard Pastor Tim's message Sunday, I knew I should have raised my hand! Yes, I was a hypocrite! I didn't think I was but something happened today, Monday from 9 am to Noon that revealed my struggles.
I guess when you put blood, sweat and tears into something, you feel you have ownership, right? You know, everybody talks about you need to feel you have ownership in something and that is a good thing. But, I had been taking on offenses, having a critical attitude, grumbling, complaining, etc. My attitude and thinking, stunk! It kinda hit me when Pastor Tim shared about his latest experience in the prayer room, last blog. I have been waiting to have that kind of experience! I had been "feeling", "sensing", however you want to say it, NOTHING! I was jealous, envious, etc.! But I had invited a Monday Morning Prayer Group that I get to go to every once in a while to the LifeHouse today. These women have been praying together for over twelve years now.
They usually pray for three hours so that is what was allotted today. Well, the Lord brought me to the end of myself today. He loved me so hard and so well that the Spirit of Intercession came upon me which I had been praying for to return to me, that I became real to Him and real to myself! I couldn't have stopped it if I had wanted to. Of course I had been asking Him for this during my private times but of course God is God and He chooses to do it in front of a bunch of women and making it so precious to me and I think to them. I guess, all I want to say is that if any of you have experienced this don't lose heart. Even when you are a hypocrite He will look at you and send His Love down to help you! God Bless--ila
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Yeah, God!
You know, Ila, what you're experiencing is something that is very real for any person who gets out in front and leads something like this.
I'm so glad you had a breakthrough, but the truth is that when you're primarily on the "providing" end or "leading" end of ministry, you find others getting blessed much more than you do. You, instead, often feel the brunt of undone work, petty critisicms, unseen labor, etc. Then, we as leaders, begin carrying around this burden of inner gunk, and we make the exterior look good.
In reality, what we experience in leadership like this is no different than what I believe the Pharisees experienced. I believe that it's harder to have a soft heart. It's harder to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit. It's harder to break through.
My secret has always been a personal need to repent of my inner struggles, sins, thoughts, etc, and ask God to wash over me, yet again, with His cleansing flood.
When I do that, I can often begin to experience something good.
So, the temptation for all of us as The LifeHouse Leadership to walk in hypocrisy is HUGE! It's a fight. It's a battle. It's winnable! And WE WILL WIN THIS BATTLE TOGETHER when we confess our sins to God and to one another just like you did.
Good job, Ila. Let's KILL HYPOCRISY!!
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