Tearing Down the Walls

For those of you reading this, please bear with me. I am about to take a giant step…no, an outright leap, out of my comfort zone right now. And, after an amazing service last Sunday night at the LifeHouse, followed by a very sleepless night, I feel that I have no choice but to share with you my experience. Believe me…it’s not a Kelley thing…it’s a God thing!

I have no doubt that many, if not all, of us who attended the service left in awe and total amazement. It was truly a night like no other for me! I don’t mean to downplay anyone else’s experience, but I do hope to add to it. I felt as though every message spoken from everyone who shared was directly intended for my ears to hear, and for my heart to embrace. I have so much in my head (and heart) right now that has to get out, and I’m not even sure how to say it all because it seems so jumbled to me right now…so, I’m just gonna ramble and pray that God unravels the message and that it speaks to myself, as well as to anyone else out there who may need to hear it.

Throughout my life I have experienced many heartbreaks and disappointments, and many experiences of being judged for one thing or another (not pretty enough, not thin enough, not smart enough, too smart!, etc.), as has everyone else, I’m sure. But, over time I tended to build up a “protective” wall around myself, I guess as a means of defense. It was safe…no one would judge me there…I could be myself (or so I thought). When you’ve got a protective wall around you, eventually you start to feel all alone, because you can’t fully get out, and you certainly can’t let anyone in. You end up wrapped up in a bubble by yourself at the bottom of a very lonely “valley”.

When I came to the LifeHouse Sunday night I must admit that I was probably in one of those valleys. After about a year and a half, or more, of Scott and me seemingly being constantly beaten down by the enemy, it really starts to take a toll. It’s easy at times to get to the point where all you see is the enemy beating you down, and unfortunately you end up missing the part where God not only keeps you afloat, but lifts you back up higher and stronger than before. I didn’t realize until Sunday night that I still had part of that “protective” wall wrapped around me. What I thought was protecting me has actually been holding me back…it’s time to get the wrecking ball! What an exciting, yet altogether scary time for me.

What was said at the LifeHouse Sunday night really hits home with me. Just as in our daily lives, we all have highs and lows on our spiritual walk; and the highs and lows can’t be separated for it is God who brings us through everything, the good and the, well…not so good. All things happen for a reason. And, in addition to God, we need each other. I am definitely a mountain girl, but, you see, the Valley of God can be just as beautiful as the mountain tops if we let it be, for after all it is God who made the valleys. But, we are on this journey together and we can’t be there alone. We must be there for others, and we must let others be there for us. Being in a valley can be a time of refuge, a time for strengthening and renewal for the journey we have ahead. It’s a time to take in every inch of the landscape, and a time to look up at the mountain and realize just how huge God is, and how very small we are. In the grand scheme of things, every place we find ourselves is somewhere along the valley spectrum, for we have seen no mountain tops like the ones that God has waiting for us. He wants to meet us in the valleys just as much as He wants to meet us elsewhere. It is for Him to guide us, and at times that means waiting…patiently. At other times it means leaping forward into the unknown. But, it’s not totally unknown now, is it? We must remember that God is always there! God does care about every part of our lives – the highs and the lows. But, we have to get out of our walls so that we can fully let God in and experience all that He has in store for us. If we don’t do this, then we won’t be ready. And, if we’re not ready then what do we have to give to those we want to so desperately reach?

Lord God, thank you for a church that cares about You, first and foremost. Thank You for a church who cares about people, even imperfect me! Thank You so much for the wonderful friends that You have brought into my life, many who will end up reading this, and others who may never know it was written. I pray that they know just how very much I love and cherish each and every one of them. I can’t imagine a more awesome group of warriors to be a part of. God, help me to know when to stop and rest in the valley, listening for your voice, resting up and getting ready to move. Let me know when to move. Guide me, Lord, so that I know how to be Your hands and feet. Prepare me, Lord, so that I don’t miss a second of the wonders You have in store for me. Forgive me for the times when I have rested when You’ve wanted me to move. Help me to change this, Lord. Forgive me for the times when I’ve worried about what others may say or think…they didn’t die for me…You did. I praise you Lord God, and I thank you for every blessing that you have brought into my life, and for all that you have in store for me in the days and years to come. Thanks Daddy! Amen.

The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Psalm 37:23 NLT